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There are no poor teams, only poor leaders. This is a humbling thought for most business owners to accept. That being said, the successful executive realizes how critical this mindset is to building a high-performing, successful team. I call this Conscious Ownership.

It’s Christmas afternoon and Uncle Charlie is drunk (like every other holiday) and proceeds to try and make love to the turkey carcass on the dining table in front of the kids and your Catholic in-laws, the ones with the pacemakers. Hey, it’s understandable that the scene might bother you. What’s important to understand, though, is that it wasn’t Uncle Charlie who made you upset—it was you. You did it to yourself. If there is a soul who wouldn’t have gotten upset (me for example, I’d probably have laughed until my sides ached), then it might not be the event that has you upset, but the importance you place upon it. It is all your stuff.

Do you listen to those motivational speakers and wonder how the hell you are supposed to feel confident when you don’t have anything to feel confident about? It can be a big conundrum for many people. For example, how are you supposed to feel confident out at a club with your friends when you are new at it? Or how do you feel confidence at your next job interview when you just lost your last job? What about with your relationship, how confident do you feel there? Does reaching your future goals worry you a bit?  You are likely caught in a confidence conundrum.

In 1906, Vilfredo Pareto made the famous observation that twenty percent of the population owned eighty percent of the property in Italy, later generalized by Joseph M. Juran into the Pareto principle .  The Pareto principle (also known as the 80/20 rule, the law of the vital few, or the principle of factor scarcity) states that, for most events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

The Pareto Principle, or 80/20 rule is very popular with business management people. Businesses frequently discover that about 20% of their customers provided about 80% of their sales. To their dismay, sales managers find that about 20% of their sales reps close about 80% of the sales. Time management consultants teach us that about 20% of our time creates 80% of the production in a day, with 20% of the employees creating around 80% of the value. The ratio is about 4-to-1 and it comes up over and over again.  The use of this tool, or principal, has significantly increased how well companies run and guides the expectations of sales managers in many businesses. What most people miss is that the 80/20 rule can also apply to your personal life as well.

As we grow (all of us older, some of us up), we are forced to challenge the old mental wiring in our heads. Often times those old ways don’t work as well for us as it did before. In a recent coaching session, after working on my edge (My coach calls it Coaching for an Edge) I said, “I’m amazed at how strongly this part of me wants to hold on.” I’ve been working on this thing for a while, approaching it in different ways, yet holding on to it firmly. “It’s a well worn pathway,” she noted, “formed early on.” In order to succeed with any thing we need to learn to get beyond hesitation.

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” --H. P. Lovecraft

We all know how easy it is to become overwhelmed by fear… Few of us know much about embracing fear. All of us know how difficult it can be move on with your life, learning to be ok with being uncomfortable.  I am not saying that you need to struggle intensely, but you do need to be willing to learn. Dealing with uncertainty is one of the key elements to learning. When you do that you are almost always involved with the ‘unknown.’

When someone starts behaving discourteously toward you, you can generally count on having lost some control in the relationship. Whether a romantic or parental relationship, it may be time to change how you respond to disrespectful behavior. Once you make that decision, it is critical to be consistent in your actions moving forward and take back the power that is yours. You really don’t have to be authoritarian in your discipline to be understood, rather you have to set clear and firm ground rules about behavior, including what will be tolerated and what won’t be accepted.  For the purposes of this article, I will deal primarily with children and adolescents. By the end, you should have a better handle on Dealing With Disrespect.

Brian Tracy said, “Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable trying something new.” My blogging friends tell me that everyone wants a multi-step process to reach their goals. Just beyond the edge of our comfort zone lies many of the things we want in life: Change, passion, personal growth, money, and more. Going one step past the edge of comfort—if only one step—can be overwhelming and occasionally nerve-wracking. Yet pushing though your fear and discomfort is fundamental to your success. With that in mind, take this multi-step idea and turn it into a week-long action plan. Beginning with the easy stuff, each day you add another step, and by the end of the seventh day, you will be on the way past the edge of your personal comfort zone. When you feel the momentum starting to build, don’t stop. Keep going, safe in the knowledge that we all have taken these steps to one degree or another. Do your best and if you mess up, just try again. Remember, Life is just past your comfort zone.