Transformations

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

                                                                                —Maria Robinson

Few things are closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation, you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Spend time with the right people for you.

Life is too short to spend time with people who make you unhappy. If someone wants you in their life, they make room for you. Choose to be around people who don’t make you fight for a spot. Look for people who appreciate your worth; it’s the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

Embrace your problems. 

Face them. There is no one capable of handling every blow, to instantly solve problems. We’re designed to get distressed, down, wounded, and fall. That’s the purpose of living—to face problems, discover and resolve problems over time. This is what shapes us into who we are.

Tell yourself the truth.

“Never believe your own fiction”

—Peter Elston Costich

You can lie to anyone, but not to yourself. Your life gets better only when you take chances, and the most difficult chance you take is being honest with yourself.

Put your needs on the front burner.

You are special too! It is agonizing when you lose yourself by loving someone too much, forgetting how special you are. Always help others is a great motto, but help yourself, too. Do something that matters to you, and do it now.

Be who you are.

One of the supreme tests in life is to be you in a world that’s trying to make you someone you aren’t. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, younger, but they will never be you. Be yourself and genuine people will love the real you.

Mindfully let go of the past.

You’ll never begin the next episode of your life if you keep re-living the last one. You did it, or not. It’s over so move on.

You are going to make mistakes, forgive yourself.

Every success has mistakes behind it, and failures—if you use them properly—bring you ever closer to success. Doing something and getting it wrong is more productive than doing nothing. You might love the wrong person or pick the wrong job, but the blunders we make help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and have regrets about our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here now with the power to shape your future. Remember, you end up regretting things you did not do much more than what you did wrong.

Be happy with yourself. 

If you’re not content with who you are, you won’t be happy with anyone else. Create the stability you crave in your own life and then you will be able to share it with others.

Happiness is earned, not bought.

Many of the possessions we desire are pricey. But the things that really satisfy our souls are free—love, laughter, and pursuing passions. They are free and priceless.

Don’t just sit there.

If you spend too much time on your plan, you’ll find problems that aren’t there. Assess situations clearly and take conclusive action. You cannot change what you refuse to challenge. All growth involves risk. You can’t get to home plate without leaving third.

You are more prepared than you think.

You won’t ever feel 100% prepared when an opportunity arises. Most really good opportunities force us outside of our comfort zones. Don’t expect to feel comfortable at first. When opportunity knocks, answer the door.

Be in a relationship for the right reasons.

The best relationships are chosen prudently and slowly. If something is meant to be, it will happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when the time is right for you, not when it’s right for them or when you’re lonely.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again.

Embrace that next relationship. Over time, you realize there’s a reason behind everyone you meet. Some will challenge and teach you, some will take advantage of you, and some you will teach. Look for those who will bring out the best in you.

It isn’t always a competition. 

Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF. Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Focus on process, not outcome.

Count your own blessings.

Jealousy is counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself “what’s something you have that everyone wants?” Give it some thought.

Embrace life’s curve balls.

There’s often a purpose to those curveballs life throws your way. Sometimes they force you to change your path’s direction. You won’t understand it immediately or easily. Recall those negative curveballs you handled in the past. They often led you ultimately to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So embrace it them.

Let go of the grudges.

Life lived with hate in your heart is a prison. You wind up hurting yourself more than those you hate. Forgiveness is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my life.” Forgiveness is the only answer; “none but ourselves can free our minds.”  Forgiveness is not just for other people; it’s for you, too. Forgive yourself, and move on.

Stay on your own level. 

Keep to your standards rather than lowering them to adapt those who decline to raise theirs.

Explaining is a waste of time.

Your friends don’t need it, and the ones who aren’t in your corner won’t believe it anyway. Do what you know is right. Like honesty, it is the best policy.

Doing the same things repeatedly is detrimental.

Sometimes you need to stop and take a deep breath. You often don’t have time, but do it anyway. If you keep on going, you have the same result. A break can help you see things differently.

Find the beauty of small moments. 

Enjoy the little things in life. When you look back, it won’t be the big vacations, but the pizza with a friend, or the giggle with your wife. Those small moments will ring in your memory. They will matter more than the stay at the Crillion Hotel in Paris.

Forget perfect.

You don’t get a prize for perfect, you get the prize, the girl, the best job; the rewards in life for getting things done.

Avoid the easy path.

Obvious, life isn’t easy, particularly when you are trying to accomplish something that can be challenging. With that being said, don’t ever take the easy way out—do something amazing; be amazing!

Stop acting like everything is OK if they suck.

Fall apart; it’s ok to do that once in a while. don’t pretend you are strong when you aren’t. Ignore those negative people and their opinions—cry if you need to—it will be healthier than letting the grief or disappointment eat you up. It will pass and your smile will return.

Stop blaming people.

Achieving your dreams depends on how responsible you are for your life. When you blame others, you are abdicating responsibility to them. Don’t be that victim; it’s a recipe for failure.

You can’t be everything to everyone.

Just be yourself. Narrow your focus to achieving your goals. Doing more than that in the long run is the path to failure. If you want to change the world, do one nice thing a day and see who smiles.

Worry is bad for your health…stop.

Will this thing on my mind now matter in a year? Will it matter in 10?  If not, then don’t worry so much. Worry won’t make future problems disappear; it will destroy today’s joy and your of energy to do good work.

Focusing on what you don’t want to happen is a waste of energy.

Arise and focus on the wonderful things that could happen today.  Concentrate on what you do want to happen. Pay attention, then you may find the good things may indeed come to pass.

Being ungrateful is good for no one.

You don’t have it so bad that there is nothing to be grateful for. Focus on what you have, not what’s missing. Someone would be willing to trade their problems for yours. Try considering what you have that others might be missing.

Since you can’t make a new beginning, start today with something on the list and begin changing your life to the one you want, one choice at a time. Make a new ending. Who knows, maybe one of these things is holding you back from your own transformation.

SEE A LIFE COACH IN BATON ROUGE

Frank Hopkins is a life coach in Baton Rouge who is certified as a Professional Coach (CPC) by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). Frank has helped numerous people to go through emotional change in a way that is positively transformative.